Happiness

A while back I heard a story on National Public Radio about a website where you could go and take a survey which would give back a reading on your personal happiness, sponsored by the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center. I love these kinds of things; the one that the Bear and I have spent the most time to understand is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator which has brought us both insight and delight over many years now. (For those in the know, both the Bear and La Calavera are ENTJ, a type described by Keirsey as the “Field Marshal”; two field marshals in one house can occasionally be interesting!)

In any case, I had the website address for the Authentic Happiness Inventory for some time, and then I found another reason to be interested in the survey instrument (I had to do one for work and was seeking ideas for how to ask the questions). So I went for a visit to take the test.

There are several tests, as it turns out, but I took the one that was entitled “Authentic Happiness Inventory” which asks questions like this:

A. I feel like a failure.

B. I do not feel like a winner.

C. I feel like I have succeeded more than most people.

D. As I look back on my life, all I see are victories.

E. I feel I am extraordinarily successful.

and

A. My life is a bad one.

B. My life is an OK one.

C. My life is a good one.

D. My life is a very good one.

E. My life is a wonderful one.

Well, you all know how La Calavera thinks about her life! I graded myself hard; there seemed a risk of sounding dementedly delighted (which might indicate other problems all by itself!) but I was honest. It’s obviously a scale of 1-5, with 1 being not very happy and 5 being exuberantly happy. My score was 3.92, which when compared to other respondents matching my demographics, placed me overall in the 90%+ percentile of happiness. That about matches my perception of it, so that is pretty good all around!

This does, however, cause one to think a bit about the nature of the happiness, and whether it’s something that is of this moment (or year, or decade) of one’s life, or if it is a permanent state. As I spent time thinking about my own “happiness” I realize that of course it had to do as much with circumstances as with my innate being; I have a good and happy marriage, I have a good job where I believe I am valued and where I do good and meaningful work, I have enough money that I don’t worry about it, my health is good and so is the Bear’s, I have family and friends that I love, and as I am always busy finding the universe in my grain of sand, I find my life interesting all the time. And, of paramount importance, I feel that all of these good conditions extend out into the future as far as I can see.

I wonder, however, what happens when a piece of that gets taken away. Or, more to the point, what will happen to me? This current state of happiness has not always existed; there have been dark days and even years in the past for various different reasons. One of the great and profound insights that getting older has brought to me is that many things that I used to think mattered a lot, actually don’t. I don’t need for everyone to like me (in fact, any more, I really don’t care at all – and this was a great source of unhappiness in the past). As a friend of mine said recently, her husband’s favorite leveling remark is “Did anybody die?” and of course when nobody did, then all else is in perspective. So many things can seem to loom so large, and the looming takes away happiness – more even than the thing itself.

I find myself repeating Serenity Prayer a lot these days, especially in my work life as I try to help people figure out very complex business social relationships: “ . . . grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” It’s a variant on understanding what is truly important. There are not very many truly important elements, whether in private life or in business. But you have to know what they are, and go after them, and put the other things out of your mind.

I hope that everyone is happy, and that if the bad things happen to you that I can help, and if they happen to me, that you will help me; so that we can grow in wisdom, and become happier all the time.